Say what you mean and mean what you say. My husband laughs at me because I am a very literal person, this is something that comes easy to me, but not within my relationship. I’ve had to work at communicating what I mean, rather than just dropping hints when it comes to me and my husband.
When you are communicating with someone, how are they to know what you want or need if you don’t just say it? So many times I hear partners complain, I gave my partner so many clues as to what I wanted, they either don’t love me or don’t care about me. When this is brought up to the partner, they are blown away. If they would have known what was wanted, they would have done it. How were they to understand when they had to read between the lines?
I hear couples say, we’ve been together for 15 years, he should know what I want by now. Relationships are hard enough, let’s not make them harder by making our partners guess what we are wanting, thinking, needing.
Set your partner up to be able to succeed – let them know what you would like. This doesn’t make the gesture less sincere, it allows for 2 things to happen. 1.) you get what you want. 2.) your partner is able to succeed in making you happy. I tell couples that the choice is in doing the thing that your partner has asked.
Example: I love flowers. I know they die, I know they are expensive, but I love them and having my husband buy them for me for my birthday, anniversary and Valentine’s day means a lot to me. He’s let me know that he’d rather get me something of value or do a project for me, but this is my love language and it’s what makes me feel loved and important during these days. Even though it may not make sense to him, it’s what I want. So, I ask for flowers every time. I don’t sit there and wait, hoping that he’ll one day realize that I don’t want anything other than flowers during these holidays. Why not let both of us be happy. I even give him reminders, it’s our anniversary soon, I’m excited to see what flowers you get me this year! This doesn’t take away from his love for me. It sets him up to succeed and makes me happy. Me telling him, doesn’t make it so the gesture is less sincere. He still has a choice – either get me flowers or don’t. When I see the flowers, this is a sign to me that he still loves me and wants to make me happy. Dropping hints is not the way to do it, it leaves room for interpretation. Say what you mean and mean what you say. (DON’T USE SARCASM).