During arguments, how many times are we focused on what we can learn from this or what our partner must be experiencing right now. If you are being honest with yourself, the answer is somewhere between rarely and never. We are usually focused on our own needs or why our partner is being an ignorant jerk.
Within relationships, it takes effort on both parts for success. It also takes two parties for conflict and disagreement to occur. It takes two to tango, if you will. How differently would our disagreements/arguments go if we were to start by claiming our responsibility in the matter. This would automatically take the defensiveness away, or at least down a notch. When we acknowledge our role in a problem, our partners are more likely to acknowledge their role in it as well.
Next, when you are in a disagreement, pause for a minute. Think about what your partner is trying to say. Get out of your own head. Truly listen. How have they experienced the situation? Would it be frustrating?
If you are taking a break or one has walked away out of frustration, instead of focusing on how better to get your point across, focus on what the goal is, what is it that you two are trying to work through together.
Using these simple techniques are bound to change up your arguing style – hopefully for the better!