Getting angry is like having a pot of water on the stove with the lid on. Some will turn the burner to high and the it boils quickly and fiercely. Others will have it on medium. It takes a bit to warm up, but once it’s hot enough, it will boil. Others have it on low, where it takes even longer to heat up, and then just barely simmers out from the top. No matter which scenario you fall into, there are still times when it is best to avoid sitting down and having a ‘discussion’ (aka, argument).
Times to avoid the fight –
Don’t get into an important discussion if:
- You are tired and it’s late.
- You are hungry – hangry is a real thing – grab a snickers, then talk.
- You can sense you are already boiling or simmering (wait until you cool down a bit).
- You can tell your emotions are heightened (females, for many this is during their cycle).
- You are distracted (kids, tv, company is coming over).
Times to fight (have a discussion) –
- When you are wanting to understand where your partner is coming from (curious).
- When you are wanting to come up with solutions.
- When you are calm, fed, and well rested.
- Also, make sure there is enough time, with little distractions so the conversation can be productive.
I have some people say they are concerned they’ll forget if they don’t share what’s on their mind with their partner right then and there. Or they won’t be able to enjoy the next few hours because they are so upset. Instead, write down why you are frustrated. This way you won’t forget, you will have time to calm down and writing is a natural therapeutic processing tool to allow yourself to work through what is really bothering you. You may find, after getting your thoughts on paper, the problem may have resolved itself.